The key lies within the lock

Ever present, A silent witness of the unfolding play, How did I ever miss its watchful presence? 

How did I forget my own blissful self?

How did I not realize the gradual deviation from my natural knower state?

How did I slip and then kept slipping,

With nothing to hold on to,

I kept paying attention in the opposite direction until I finally felt lost.

Oh my folly! For I searched far and wide in vain,

I read scriptures, consulted soothsayers, sought guidance from one and everyone,

Lest did I realize that through all these detours, 

I was still watching....

After immense suffering and infinite pain, Down on my knees and drained out,

I had a glimpse of the truth.

Invigorated, I kept up the effort and soon more glimpses followed.

Putting together the puzzle, I realized my folly.

In hindsight, All I had to do was to let go of the search and I would have arrived,

I should have looked within than without,

The key was within the lock,

All it needed was a gentle nudge.

What stops me?

Illusion (maya jaal) of words, questions and circumstances; 

A bait that traps the unsuspecting soul blinded by Raga (passionate attachment) and Dwesha (resentment),

Binding it again in yet another cycle of birth and death. 

Lack of awareness at its peak results in another momentous error. A lesson learned but a valuable opportunity lost.

The first folly - forgetting the self, it's true blissful nature, 

The second folly - wrongly perceiving oneness in presenting circumstances, 

Third folly believing that a particular set of things, individuals, and circumstances are favorable and essential for life,

The final folly - repeating this again and again without learning the lesson. 

No one but my own folly stops me from waking up and taking ownership of the uninterrupted bliss that is truly mine. 

Why am I not waking up and Realizing my eternal self? 

What stops me?

Narratives

We all subscribe to, experience, and believe in diverse narratives while living our lives. These range from personal, familial, occupational, social, national, and global narratives. Narratives that unfold on their own or those orchestrated by others. The latter are more pronounced and have taken a front seat in Kaliyuga causing tremendous impacts on the lives of every individual in ways we cannot perceive or fathom. The unintended and far-reaching consequences of orchestrated narratives may not be readily or fully apparent but their existence is undeniable. Noteworthy here is the fact that they are just the instrumental and not the primary cause.

The perceived flow of events in our personal life, our attention to favorable, and the urge to disregard unfavorable aspects of life shape our personal narrative about ourselves. Our ever-changing perception about ourselves in the past, present, and future, our experiences, biases, beliefs, habits, and patterns all define and influence the stories that our mind tells our soul. Despite being physically wide awake, we tend to keep watching this ever-unfolding narrative just as we watch a movie. 

Individual perceptions, biases, habits patterns, beliefs and narratives intermingle, interact and meld with those of our family members (familial) and friends (social). This complicates things to another level. They form a ripe field that facilitates the fruition of past Karma. The unsuspecting soul wide awake yet asleep falls prey to its own folly again and again by believing in these types of narratives. 

Overarching them are national and global narratives, potent sedatives in their own way.

The more attention, and involvement (the belief that they are real) that one affords to constantly unfolding narratives, the more one gets sucked into these rabbit holes. Soon all perceptions, decisions, and actions are influenced and driven by them.

The mind ends up overpowering the soul. 

Folly

I am in my current state due to my own folly. Unware of the bliss present within me, and wrongly presuming that bliss can be attained from worldly involvement, I am attracted outward. Next, paying attention to and believing the incident worldy thoughts and words to be true, deludes me incessantly and renders me unaware/unconscious of my soul. In this unconscious state, based on my biased and limited or lack of knowledge, I am aligning with what I find favorable and am trying to avoid unfavorable circumstances as well as experiences. This preference is pulling me into a vortex of complex emotions, actions, reactions and resultant unintended consequences. To top to this insult to my eternal soul, I no longer believe that my soul exists, or that a way exists to return to my own self. Rather in addition to the mind, body and speech; I now look up to others presuming they would guide me out. Unfortunately except for passionless Jain masters and Jinvani, everyone has their own agendas. Oh my folly.... So intricately involved in the web of this world, I have lost my way.

Living consciously

Lifetimes spent...

In senseless pursuits,

In rooting-for or discouraging others,

In loving or hating others,

In living-for or living-off others,

In arguing or convincing others,

In complaining or feeling bitter,

In competing or fighting,

In plotting the downfall of others,

The list is endless.

Never taking a step back ...

To overcome the urge to take mental shortcuts,

To observe and contemplate first-hand,

To see within, away from the veil and the world,

To hear within, away from the worldly noise,

To think deeply and in an unbiased manner,

To stand and just watch the flow of events,

To ask questions that matter,

To seek answers, make sense and connect the dots,

To understand holistically....

The list of follies is long.

It all starts and ends at the self.

A self that is watchful of the ideas and feelings of....

Happiness...sadness,

Clarity...confusion,

Bravery...timidity,

Superiority... inferiority,

Good...bad,

Relief...pain.

Realising that the self is separate from:

momentary thoughts,

Flux of emotions,

Clouds of reminiscence and nostalgia,

Bouts of dreadful memories,

Bottomless rabbit holes,

Diverse attitudes and beliefs,

Self-defeating habits and patterns,

Infinite modes and personalities,

Unfolding circumstances and the actors within.

Holding on to the self while:

Watching the rising and dissolving unconscious urge to get involved, 

Observing the reflexive urge to react,

Being aware of the waxing and waning of  overwhelming emotions,

Being amidst the eye of the storm and feelings it's overpowering pull,

Understanding with an unwavering resolve....That the soul is forever watchful and unaffected through them all.

 

Journey of an unvanquished soul - its rise after falling from grace

Realizing that one is just a pawn in the worldly game,

measured by relative perception and biased perspectives of one and all,

Judged by mighty, irrational, and unwritten rules of society,

Punished by archaic laws,

Shamed, shackled, and chained,

Conveniently and strategically nudged repeatedly,

The soul disrespected and dishonored over lifetimes,

Loses confidence in its own light,

It stagnates and roams endlessly.

Demotivated,

Discouraged,

Disemboweled,

Disillusioned,

Forcibly separated from its innocence,

The soul loses the battle to the mind.

Banished to a limited and dependent embodied existence,

Unaware of its true potential,

Unbeknownst of its true legacy,

Unaware of its blissful nature,

Forced to chase a mirage of retribution,

Or running amok on a fools' errand trying to find true love.

Could pure unconditional love, or maybe a truly intimate relationship provide much-needed solace, 

Would it suffice and replace its own bliss?

Failing over and over again to realize the truth,

Missing out true life lessons in each birth,

Living in self-denial and self-deceit at every turn,

Experiencing diverse forms of suffering,

All for fleeting moments of happiness, Seldom satisfying and neither justifying the cost of this momentary solace,

One wonders, How much more can the soul take?

One wonders, How much more can the soul take?

A ray of omniscient light pulls the soul,

Guru Kanjiswami interpreting and explaining timeless teachings of the Omniscient lord,

Shining light on the soul's eternal and unblemished nature,

Gravitating to its unconditional and eternal truth,

The soul is pulled to its rationality and logic, for it makes sense and matches its own frequency,

Guiding the soul's path to break free from one and all forms of slavery,

Encouraging it to realize its true potential, 

Drawing it to the reality of a liberated and blissful existence.

After walking for eternity in the wrong direction, 

The soul takes its first few but confident steps towards itself.

The journey will break the ego, 

destroy the supremacy of the mind and  dependency on the body, 

Help overcome attraction towards others,

But will eventually help it arrive safely to where it truly belongs.

What holds us together?

For some, the answer may be simply "love"
which may appear too narrow - constricted,

For some - "an eternal bond"
now that may seem exaggerated to some,

For some "physical-mental" chemistry,
For others, it may be the attraction of opposite poles.

They all seem incomplete...
unable to do justice...

I myself may prove unable to define the relation,
yet, what we share...
a sense of belonging that never ages,
a relationship that despite having its share of ups and downs, never fades.
Something to which we would like to hold on all our lives,
Cherishing ourselves and the bond that unites us!

Waning

Lived unconditionally,

No self-doubts,

No overthinking,

With the best intentions at heart,

Warm and open,

Shared and cared for,

Gave my best in every circumstance.

Reality struck like a lightening bolt,

Forcing me into isolation,

Ruminating, unsure, and clouded by a lot of whys,

Aghast by the true nature of things,

Each decision and turn judged and punished,

Paralyzed and pushed to the brink,

Disillusioned and demotivated beyond repair.

Adrift in the ocean of life, 

Confused and disoriented by the push and pull of waves,

Exhausted,

Glimmers of hope - few and far between,

Ocean mirages and conditional help stab into the heart,

Does it matter anymore?

In the worst of times, what is it that keeps us going?

In the worst of times, what is it that keeps us going?
When the situation bleak and all efforts seem futile.

What force guides us, when confidence has given away,
Which energy helps us, when courage fails us.

What tells us to continue, when the road - a dead end,
What pushes us at all times, when we've given up.

Knowing the impossibility of situations, knowing failure is inevitable,
Yet, How we continue is an unanswered question.
The impulse to give up, to run away prevails.

Very few stand up, armed with hope,
Ready to face all odds,
To look into the face of failure,
Without blinking, without flinching,
The only few stubborn, rise to change Destiny,
As they want it.